pruning lends beauty...after the pain

ugly words.

not the proud moments of a momma.

...of a wife.

tears...drama.

i'm sorry.

i look back and wonder who spoke the words that just emptied from my mouth? my heart broken for the hurt i see in eyes like mine...in eyes i look up to.

how to fix what can't be undone?

i've blown it...again.

will i ever reflect the Christ in me? will i ever get it right?

perhaps i need to be pruned like so many of the sad looking bushes and trees around our house. a bit of a hair cut. no, that won't do. more like chopped back to the knees. emptied of all apparent life. a new start.

all the color taken out. every corner of the heart laid at the cross.

a humble removing of the trash. a plea for forgiveness.

and there is a lot of ugly to prune.

left to be picked up and eternally forgotten...as far as the east is to the west.

a heart laid bare. hopeful that renewal will come.

a desperate prayer...

for slowness to anger...

an abounding of love...

a download of compassion and grace to the heart.

a filling of Christ that will, in turn, be poured out.

the mind knows this is not the end, even while the heart breaks.

and then the melody breaks through. the key changes.

hope springs through the barrenness of yesterday.

what once bloomed will bloom again. truly?

a glorious promise of blessing shining through the ugly, the hard.

"the trials of this life are His mercies in disguise."

help me find the faith to believe the blessing in every disappointment, in every ache, through all the tears, even in drought...

this post is another lesson in finding 1000 gifts:

• the gift of "i'm sorry"
• psalm 103
• the trumpet of grace playing loud through my doubt
• a successful trash day
• "blessings" by laura story (you'll want to press pause below to play this...)